DECEMBER 2017
Maybe this is the last time I'll feel this way
I sent you a goodbye message last night
Because I was feeling good
And I thought I could finally let you go
I think she deserves it
I always knew she was good
I did try to tell you
I'm in Yokohama
I like it here
My hotel has a really nice view of Cosmoworld
I'm on the thirteenth floor
And I'm trying my best not to jump
And it will continue to suck for a while
But you have to stop blaming others
You have to stop blaming yourself
You're not young anymore, that sucks too
But you can't use that or any of your other million excuses
Not anymore
You have to do better
Do it for the people who matter
Do it for your husband
Who saved you when you were begging to be saved the first time you met
And once again when it was clear you no longer wanted to be saved
Who loved you the same way on days you're at a 100%
And on days when you have absolutely nothing left to give
Who continues to believe in you,
even after all the stupid things you did
And always, with a cheerful disposition,
tells you that he's so lucky to have you
Do it for your mom
Who's clearly facing her own demons
But always, always gathers herself up
every time she sees her child needs her
Do it for your dad
Who selflessly powers through life
Even when he's tired, even when he feels unappreciated
Whose understanding is beyond this world
Who stays brave and resilient
even when all aspects of his life seem to be caving in
Do it for your parents
Who, in their own ways, try to love and understand you,
the best way they can
They're not perfect, but so are you
Do it for your sister
Who knows all your secrets,
even those you're too ashamed to admit to yourself,
but still loves you anyway
Who tries to listen and understand first before judging
Who's not afraid to talk about uncomfortable things,
and confront you when she knows it will help you
Who continuously fights for you and protects you
even if it meant inconveniencing her too
Do it for your brother
Whose love is quiet and doesn't need words to reach you
Do it because you want to protect him,
you want him to have the good things in life
Do it for your siblings, your best friends
the ones you love the most in this cruel world
_______
Do it for yourself
Because sometimes you feel that you're smart and kind
and generally a good person
And maybe even if you're not these things now
Maybe someday you could be
And that would make you really happy
_______
And even if there's nothing else
Do it anyway
Because you can't stop time from passing
And you can't kill yourself anymore
Because you've proven multiple times that you suck doing that too
and it only hurts the good people in your life
