Walking on Eggshells

Today I received an email
that brought me back to reality
A repricing notice for our mortgage loan

11%

I thought I had more time
I thought our savings would last us longer

It's been seven months since I lost my job
I've been wallowing in self-pity,
spending money like we still have any to spend
Thinking I somehow deserve to feed my grief

Seven months and still no stable income
This isn't me

A few years ago I was so sure
my first job would be my last
I didn't love it
But it was stable
It was safe

I never had to worry that one day I'd wake up to all my access removed
All my messages deleted
It was one of the few constants in my life for a long time

Now I'm walking on eggshells

11%
What the fuck